Heroes, Cross Dressing, and Why I Hate Hormones
by BatNeko
Summary: Spending seven years of your life as the opposite sex can really mess with the head. Especially when the hot new Hero of Time shows up...
1. Link's Awakening

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!!!

This is a companion peice to my other Zelda fanfic, Time Travel, Drag Kings, and Why I Hate Hormones. This time around the story is from Sheik/Zelda's pov, and she's out to pove that girls can be just as horny as guys. Dammit.

I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I've got a bit of a sick mind, but I'm a true romantic at heart (in case you couldn't tell).

Heroes, Cross-Dressing, and Why I Hate Hormones

By Sheik (a.k.a. Zelda)

Chapter1. Link's Awakening

At first I didn't realized what I was hearing. The sound, though it wasn't a sound exactly, had been with me for most of my life, only missing for the last seven years, so it was very easy for me to ignore. It wasn't until my left hand started to vibrate that I even noticed it was there.

The Ocarina of Time was back.

As soon as I realized that I leapt to my feet and ran off, without even telling Impa I was going. I hadn't seen her in three years, and I doubted she would forgive me for this, but I didn't even think about it. If the Ocarina of Time was back from the Sacred Realm, that meant the one I had given it to was back as well.

Link. After seven years, I would see Link again.

I felt a thrill run through me at the thought. Link had been my first real friend, or at least the closest thing to a real friend Zelda'd ever had. Now, as Sheik, I had a few friends. Not many, because Sheik got into fairly deep trouble on a regular basis, but a few. But none of my friends now had ever known Zelda, and probably never would.

That thought brought me up short. I wasn't Zelda anymore, I hadn't been for years. I was Sheik, Survivor of the Sheikah, and that was who Link would see when he saw me. Not Zelda, just some weird guy he'd never met before, who seemed to know a lot about Hyrule legends. I hoped I wouldn't have to remind myself of that too often.

It had been more than a year since I had thought of Zelda. After the first couple of years she only cropped up in my mind only once in a blue moon, and after a few more years, even less. But the thought of Link had completely driven Sheik away and brought Zelda charging back.

Hmm, wonder if that means something…

I reached the Temple of Time with time to spare (ooh, bad pun), and melted into the shadows. '_Get a hold of yourself man_,'I told myself sharply,'_You are Sheik, **Sheik**!_ _Now remember that speech you wrote_. _This is a momentous occasion after all, the first meeting of the Hero of Time, now that he has achieved that status, and the Princess of Destiny_. _Though he doesn't know you're the Princess of Destiny. And you're not,** you're not**!_ _What is wrong with me_…?'

The "sound" of the Ocarina of Time grew louder and the vibrating in my hand grew stronger as a column of light came down onto the Pedestal and deposited Link firmly on its surface. He looked dizzy, confused, and a bit out of it, but he also looked like a god.

"Link," his fairy said, "let's go."

Link nodded and started for the door. I stepped out of the shadows and stood on the Pedestal, waiting for him to notice me. He stopped walking suddenly, then drew the Master Sword and whirled around, battle-ready.

"I've been waiting for you Hero of Time," I said calmly. "I am Sheik, Survivor of the Sheikah." Damn he was fine. About six feet tall, handsome and strong-looking. He had honey-blond hair and eyes as green as the forest he hailed from. His ears were pierced now, and it made him look kind of edgy and tough, but coupled with the shield and the Master Sword, he just looked…cool. Staring at him, I couldn't resist adding, "As I see you holding the mythical Master Sword, you really do look like the Hero of Time."

He blinked. "Umm, yeah." Quickly, he put the sword away and looked back at me, slightly suspicious. "That's poetic and all, but who are you?"

I rolled my eyes. Okay, he wasn't smart, but you rarely get beauty _and_ brains. "I just _told_ you, I am Sheik, of the Sheikah tribe."

He snorted derisively. "Nice name."

"Be quiet," I replied, without missing a beat. Link stared at me for a moment, then grinned. I grinned back, I _knew_ we got along.

"So…what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Helping," I answered simply. "I assume Rauru filled you in on the basics of what's happened."

"As soon as I'm gone the world turns to crap, yeah, I got that."

I grinned again, that wasn't a bad explanation actually. "Something like that," I agreed. "But I'm here to tell you what to do next."

"That would be the sage thing, right?"

"Right." I stared off into the distance and recited my little speech. "When evil rules all, an awakening cry will go forth from the Temple of Light to the other sages who dwell within the five temples… one in a deep forest… one on a high mountain… one under a vast lake… one within the house of the dead… one inside a goddess of the sand. Together, the Hero of Time and the sages will bind the evil and return the light of peace to Hyrule."

Link stared blankly at me. "You talk funny," he said. "Anyone ever told you that before?"

"No, actually," I fixed him with a Look. "Most people think a certain amount of ceremony is more than appropriate, given the circumstances."

"So what am I supposed to do _now_?"

I blinked. He really _was_ dense. Oh well, he could make it through life on his looks. "You can't figure it out for yourself?"

"Throw me a bone here man," he pleaded. "Ten minutes ago, by my reasoning, I was ten and the world was fine. Well, more fine."

I sighed, then recited part two of my speech. If he was going to be the Hero of Time, he would have to use his brain at least a little. "The first sage is waiting for the time of awakening in the Forest Temple. The sage is a girl I'm sure you know. Unfortunately, equipped as you are, you cannot even enter the temple. If you want to save the forest girl, head towards Kakariko Village."

"Just say it in plain English," he said, "if it's not too difficult for you."

I rolled my eyes. How much simpler could I make it? He was lucky he was so hot. "A friend of yours is the Forest Sage, she's in the Forest Temple but you can't get to her until you get a piece of equipment that's in Kakariko. Is that clear enough for you or should I write it down?"

He grinned. "Very condescending," he complemented me. He put his hand over his heart. "I'm deeply hurt, right here."

I grinned back. "Get going," I said fondly, "it'll be dark soon, and you do _not_ want to be in town after dark."

He shrugged and turned to go. Then stopped and turned back. "Come on Navi."

The fairy, Navi, bobbed out from behind me, startling me. "It's okay Link," she reported. "He's just a regular hylian."

"I kind of figured that one out on my own." He smiled apologetically at me and waved Navi on ahead of him. "See ya Sheik."

"Bye," I said. And then he was gone, leaving me with a dazzling smile and a pounding heart.

_Damn_, he was fine…

I wanted to follow him around, see what he did next, check out his ass, but I had to report back to Impa. She would probably have figured it out on her own, but I kind of owed it to her.

When I got there Impa crossed her arms and fixed me with a Look that only I could match. "And just _where_ have you been young man?" she asked sternly.

I rolled my eyes. "You know perfectly well where I was."

Impa shook her head. "Well, yes, I sensed the return of some great power, and I'm assuming it was the Ocarina and the Hero, but you could have told me you were going!"

I shrugged. "I'm sorry you're upset, but I'm not sorry I went. I always intended to help Link as much as I could when he came back."

"Yes, I know." Impa sat down at her table and invited me to sit across from her. "How was he?"

A sigh escaped from me. "_Gorgeous_," I breathed. Impa stared at me. I clapped a hand over my mouth. "Oops."

Impa recovered herself quickly. "It's a bit odd hearing that from you," she said calmly. "That's the first time you've done anything that girly since you became Sheik."

I looked away, embarrassed. "I can't help it. Even if I am a guy Link is seriously frickin' hot."

Impa stared at me for several moments, then sighed. "Ah those teenage years. You know what I would give to have them back again?"

I sensed some reminiscing coming on, so I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and asked, "I don't know Impa, what would you give to have your teenage years back again?"

"Nothing. Absolutely not one single rupee. In fact, I'd pay almost anything not to have to live them over again. Worst time of my entire life."

This time I did roll my eyes. "Thanks for the confidence boost."


	2. Into the Woods

2. Into the Woods

I spent the night at Impa's, and left after a leisurely breakfast to check on Link's progress. I was sure he'd been in Kakariko already, I'd heard the Ocarina come into town and made sure I stayed out of sight until he stopped for the night, but I didn't know how far he'd come. According to Dampé's ghost Link had already stopped by and won the Hookshot. That was good, but Dampé said Link had seemed upset about something, Dampé wasn't sure what. That worried me, if Link was upset he might not be able to make it out of the Forest Temple unharmed.

Mara, a woman who raised cuccos, said that he'd helped her with her pocket cucco and taken the one that belonged to her brother to cheer it up. Mara's mother said that he'd stopped by and woken up Talon, the one-time owner of the Lon Lon Ranch. An old refugee from Castle Town said that he'd spent the night in that tree at the entrance of town.

Link had been busy.

It was now fairly late in the day, so I used the Minuet of Forest to get to the Temple, then climbed up a tree and jumped to the entrance. Perhaps I was underestimating Link, after all, if I could get into the Forest Temple without the Hookshot, he should be able to figure it out too.

Then again, maybe I shouldn't overestimate his intelligence. I'd been living in Ganon's world for seven years, Link had been in it for just under a day. Maybe I should just, as he'd said, "throw him a bone."

Plus, he was really hot.

There was a Moblin yell from the hedge maze in front of the Temple, and I could hear the Ocarina drawing closer. Link was here.

It took him about fifteen minutes to make it through the maze of Moblins and to the sacred meadow where the Temple stood. I had climbed back into the trees just moments before he arrived, so I could make a cool entrance.

Link walked cautiously into the meadow and approached the Forest Temple, staring up at it.

"Waugh!" he exclaimed as I jumped down from the trees.

"Yo," I greeted him calmly. The look on his face was priceless.

"Sheik?" He stared at me. "What are you doing here?"

"Helping," I answered, just to tick him off. I took my harp off and spoke. "The flow of time is always cruel, its speed seems different for each person, but no one can change it. A thing that doesn't change with time is a memory of younger days. In order to return here play the Minuet of the Forest." That was a ridiculously sappy speech, and I'd put just a bit more of my real self into it than I'd meant to

I played the Minuet of Forest. He took out the Ocarina and followed along.

As the music of the harp and Ocarina mingled in the air between us I felt the magic rise up all around. I don't think he knew the song was magic, and when he stopped playing he blinked, looked as me, and asked, "What…was _that_?"

I smiled, he was so cute when he was confused. "The Minuet of Forest will transport you back to this clearing whenever you play it."

"Cool," he looked down at the Ocarina. "It's amazing what music can do isn't it?"

I started laughing. Long and loud. It was unbelievable.

"What?" he asked, frowning. He was so cute, I just laughed harder. "_What_?"

Finally I wiped my eyes and sighed. "You're still a child on the inside aren't you?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, I guess. Why?"

I grinned. "I said almost the exact same thing when I first learned that song and what it could do."

He blinked again. "Really?"

I nodded. "Link…I'll see you again."

"What? Hey!" I threw a Deku nut on the ground and escaped. I wanted to stick around and see the look on his face, but that would kind of defeat the purpose of the escape.

Reappearing on the other side of the hedge maze, I laughed happily and headed out into the Lost Woods. I knew my way around there, I know my way around everywhere, but was startled when I ran into a Kokiri kid not far in.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Who are you? I didn't let you through!"

"No," I agreed mildly. "You didn't."

"How did you get in there?"

I ignored the tiny belligerent and went on through the forest. I was just walking aimlessly, but realized after a couple of yards that I was grinning like an idiot. I couldn't stop, this enormous grin was spread from ear to ear and I couldn't stop it.

A few more steps and I felt a giggle bubbling up inside me. I clapped my hand across my mouth and started running, only stopping when I got to a clearing with a dead tree in the middle. Then I threw my head back and giggled like a schoolgirl.

What was wrong with me? I felt like a bottle of champagne, or maybe like I had just drunk a bottle of champagne. I couldn't stop grinning, I wastee-hee-ing insanely, and thinking of Link had me all…hot and bothered. It wasn't exactly a feeling I wanted to keep, so I took several deep breaths and crouched into my fighting stance.

Time for training.

For hours I put myself through my paces. Stretches, lunges, jabs and kicks, all my usual training exercises, but I drove myself even harder than usual. I could feel the Ocarina nearby for most of it, but it moved out of the forest and farther away near evening. About the same time Saria awoke as a Sage. With the extra power I got from that, I threw myself even harder into the training.

Some time after the sun had set, I finally stopped training, peeled off my shirt, and climbed up the dead tree to stare at the moon and dream of Link.

I was sweaty, tired, topless, and I stunk, all very masculine things, but I had never felt more like a woman in my life.

"I don't know who I am anymore," I said aloud.

"Don't worry," a voice that sounded well-used to cackling said behind me, "in a few moments the point will be moot."

I turned slowly and glared at the person behind me. "Do you mind, this was a private conversation."

The witch (Koume or Kotake, I wasn't sure which) cackled. "You're crazier than you claim the great Ganon is."

"Your so-called 'great' Ganon is a madman bent on world domination. I've got teenage angst. There's a difference."

"The great Ganon never had teenage angst," the witch said smugly.

"Ganon is a frickin' lunatic, I thought we'd established that."

"_You_ are a fool for resisting him."

I looked closely at the witch, decided she was Koume, and kicked things up a notch. "_I'm_ the fool? You're a million-year-old, umm, thingie and you've raised yourself a madman. Congratulations Koume."

Koume's hair was starting to smolder. "First of all, you _are_ a fool. Second, I'm only four- uh, three hundred. And third," her hair burst into flame, "Ganon is destined to rule the world!"

I looked at her quite calmly. "If that's true, I might as well just end it all now."

"Good idea." Koume hurled a ball of fire at me and I leapt out of the tree and to the ground. The fireball hit the spot where I'd been sitting and within seconds the dead tree was engulfed in flames.

"Hey now," I grinned. "Only _you_ can prevent forest fires."

"You little-"

I scooped my shirt up off the ground, took a deku nut out of my pocket, and threw it down before she could finish. I made it to Hyrule Field with that jump, and took off for Lake Hylia. At least she couldn't burn _that_ down.

Unfortunately, not even halfway there I ran into her sister.

"Hey!" she exclaimed to the passenger on her broom. "It's that Sheikah kid! The annoying one. You know."

Her passenger did not respond, but then, hypnotized zombie slaves never do.

Koume rushed up, hair still ablaze. "He called the Great Ganon a frickin' lunatic!" she exclaimed, pointing a gnarled finger at me.

"What?!" Kotake's hair suddenly froze. "Well we can't let him get away with that! Nabooru, _kill_!"

The hypnotized zombie slave that had once been unofficial leader of the Gerudo tribe jumped down from Kotake's broomstick and drew a massive sword.

I swore. This was going to be a long night.

After hours of battling I finally managed to hide in the Temple of Time. Despite Ganon's desecration of it, the Temple was still a bit too holy for Twinrova to enter, and it was one of the few places I could sleep without fear of capture or destruction. I lay down on the floor near the door to the Chamber and fell asleep instantly.

It seemed like I'd only been asleep for a few minutes when a sudden pain in my ankle woke me.

"Ow!"

"What the-!"

"Sheik?"

"Link?"

I blinked sleepily up at Link, then pulled myself up into a sitting position. "You should watch where you're going," I mumbled.

"_You_ shouldn't be sleeping in the Temple of Time." He peered at me. "_Were_ you sleeping in the Temple of Time?" I just blinked again. "_Why_ were you sleeping in the Temple of Time?"

I yawned. "I have nowhere else to go," I answered simply.

This time he blinked at me. "You're kidding."

"Nope." I got up and walked over to the Pedestal, where I sat on one of the steps. I patted the spot next to me, inviting him to sit down. He did. "You look awful by the way," I said. He did too, really tired and an absolute mess.

"I don't doubt it," he scratched at his cheek, and got a haunted look in his eyes. "I just found out I'm an orphan."

I shrugged. "So am I. Deal with it."

He stared at me. "You are?"

I nodded. "Ganon killed my parents, along with most of the other Sheikahs." The Ganon killing my parents thing was true, but not that they were Sheikahs, obviously. I looked at him. "I told you when we met I was the last."

"Wow…" he looked upset. "You're worse off than I am. I'm just a regular Hylian."

I laughed. "Of all the things you are, a _regular_ Hylian is not among them." He was way too gorgeous and way too nice to ever be called regular.

He laughed too. "Maybe not." For awhile we laughed together, and it seemed to relieve him. Eventually though, we stopped. And there was nothing to talk about.

After a few moments, I broke the awkward silence. "So… How'd things go in the Temple?"

I thought it was an innocent question, but he groaned and slumped forward, putting his head between his knees.

"Oh, come on," I patted his shoulder awkwardly. "It can't have been that bad."

"It's not just that," he said, voice muffled.

"Then what is it?"

He sighed. "You want the whole list?"

"Sock it to me," I smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Okay," he took a deep breath. "I just found out everything I thought about myself was a lie, I've lost one of my best friends to sagehood, Ganondorf's puppet nearly finished me off and Ganondorf got away from me, I failed miserably at saving the world, I'm missing seven years of my life, I'm worrying myself sick over Zelda, and, oh yeah, I'm so horny I can barely think."

"Wow." I took a deep breath and laughed a little. It was the first time _ever_ someone had confided anything like that to me. "Okay, that sucks, but at least that last one is normal."

"Somehow I doubt that," he muttered.

"No, I'm serious. All guys our age feel like that." This was true, at least as far as I knew. I did however, know for a _fact_ that girls our age were fairly horny as well.

"Not as bad as I feel it."

"Okay," I took another deep breath and tried to think of how to approach this, "look at me." He didn't move. "Sit up and look at me." He sighed and did so. "It. Is. Completely. Normal. I have those kinds of thoughts all the time." True, especially about him (_Damn_ he was fine).

"I refuse to believe that every teenage male thinks about this stuff as often as I do," Link said stubbornly.

"Fine, be that way." I paused, this topic of conversation was a little weird, so I tried to think of something else. "You know, this is a good opportunity to teach you the Prelude of Light."

"The who now?"

I stood up and stretched. After sleeping on the floor of the Temple I had a lot of kinks in my back, and I had to stretch them out. When I turned to Link he was looking at me oddly, then quickly looked away, blushing slightly.

"Stand up and get out the Ocarina," I ordered. He did, smart considering I wasn't giving him a choice. "There will be times you will need to return here quickly," I said in my formal voice. "You will need this song to be brought to this place… The Prelude of Light."

I began to play, and Link played along. Like with the Minuet of Forest, the magic of the song made itself felt, and pulled more light into the Temple. As the light came in, it fell on the Pedestal, and reminded me of something that he probably didn't know. Something that I wasn't entirely sure I wanted him to know. Selfish as it was, I wanted to keep this gorgeous hunk of man-flesh right where I could get to him at all times. But I knew I had to tell him.

"One more thing," I said when I finished. I couldn't look at Link, so I looked at the Pedestal instead. "Just so you know. If you put the Master Sword back in the Pedestal of Time…" I took a breath, saying this was an effort, "you'll go back."

"'Back?'" He looked at me with wide hopeful eyes. "What do you mean 'back?'"

"I mean _back_," I frowned at the Pedestal. "Back to your proper time."

"You mean it?" He rushed over and grabbed me by the shoulders, staring into my eyes. "I can really go back to being a kid?"

"Uh-huh," I couldn't help but grin, he looked so happy. "You're still mentally a kid, aren't you?"

"Maybe." He released me and turned away, blushing. "What's it to you?"

"Ohh…nothing…" I kept on grinning. "It's just, kids think differently about certain things, react differently to certain situations," I looked at him, grinning as infuriatingly as I could, "blush easier…"

He gulped and turned away, blushing even more.

"Tell me what you're thinking right now," I said

He didn'tmake a soundfor a moment or two, then simply said, "No."

"Come on…" I pleaded, still grinning.

"No."

"I won't tell anyone else."

"I said _no_."

"Fine," I got to my feet and dusted myself off. "Then I won't tell you what I know about Zelda."

"_What_?!" Instantly he was on his feet and had me tight by the collar. "You tell me what you know _now_, or I'll tear it from your head myself."

"Geez, calm down." He was actually scaring me, and holding my collar the way he was was cutting off my air supply. The anger in his eyes faded as he realized what he was doing.

Abruptly he released me. "Sorry," he said bluntly.

"No big deal." I casually sat back down on the step. "Take a few deep breaths and get that testosterone under control, and I'll tell you all you need to know."

"I said tell me now," he loomed over me. "I'm not afraid to hurt you."

I looked at him with narrowed eyes. Who did he think he was challenging? "You couldn't hurt me if you tried."

"Oh no?"

"No."

We stared each other down, neither one of us blinking, moving, or doing anything but glaring and breathing. Suddenly, at the same moment Link's anger drained from his eyes, I realized something that I probably should have realized before. I wasn't just hot for him, I loved him. With all my heart and soul I loved him, and he thought I was a guy. Dammit.

"What?" He sat down on the steps and leaned towards me. I couldn't meet his eyes, if he saw what I was feeling he would never talk to me again. "What's the matter, scared?" Link teased me.

I stood up and stepped away from him. He was so hot, I just couldn't stay close to him without doing something. "Not exactly," I said, avoiding his gaze. "I just remembered something I have to do." Oh yeah, he'll buy that.

"Wait!" he leapt to his feet. "What about Zelda?"

I looked at him, startled, then smiled. "She's fine, completely safe, and she's even more worried about you than you are about her."

Then, before he could say another word, I threw a nut on the ground and got away.

As soon as I was safely away, I buried my face in my hands and sobbed.


	3. Heat Rash

3. Heat Rash

I couldn't keep him. That was the worst part. I'd known from the beginning that Link would be leaving once he'd saved the world, but now... now that I wanted to be with him forever... the thought was excruciatingly painful.

'_You are a fool_," I said to myself. '_An utter and complete fool. You had to do it, didn't you Sheik? You **had **to fall in love with the one man that you know for a fact won't be around forever. And, oh yeah! He thinks you're a guy! Sheik. You suck._

'_He could get himself killed too_!' I realized suddenly. _'He could be killed by one of those damn Temple-monsters, or Twinrova, or Ganon even! All those people are actively trying to kill him! Dammit, you're an idiot Sheik!_'

But the worst part was, I was so horny I couldn't even think.

The Ocarina of Time was on the move. Again. Dammit.

I had to follow it, naturally, because it was my job to help Link. My self-appointed job yes, but one that I intended to fulfill anyway. After all, I had to help the man I loved. Dammit.

Link was in the Goron village, a place that I knew was mostly empty. The Gorons had been captured and taken to Death Mountain a few days ago. I'd gone up and checked it out at the time, but seeing that it wouldn't be hard to free them, I tipped off Darunia and left it to him.

Now Link was headed up there and I was heading to meet him. Quickly, I started thinking of a way to describe the Bolero of Fire. Rauru had once said that the Bolero of Fire was dedicated to passion. That was a bit too risque for me, so I thought I would tell him it was dedicated to power. Yeah, that would work.

Then, in the crater, sweating myself to death, I saw him. And I forgot everything.

I gulped hard, then jumped down.

"Holy crap Shiek!" Link exclaimed. "You scared me!"

I ignored his comment and said my speech. It was hard enough just seeing him, he was so gorgeous, I couldn't say anything that wasn't rehearsed. "It is something that grows over time, a true friendship. A feeling in the heart that becomes stronger over time. The passion of friendship will soon blossom into a righteous power and through it, you will know which way to go… This song is dedicated to the power of the heart, listen to the Bolero of Fire."

I played and he listened, then played along. Just like the other times the power of the music was between us, but this time I felt something else too. I could have killed myself for saying what I did about the power of the heart, but as we played together I could feel it. There was a connection between us, and I knew he had to feel it too.

Once we stopped playing he started towards me. I wanted to talk to him, to be near him, to tell him who I was and how much he meant to me, but it would ruin everything. So before he could even take two steps I called up a wall of fire and blocked his path.

"Hey!"

"Link…I'll see you again," I said, then vanished.

I started swearing again outside the crater. He'd tried to come toward me, and despite my startling him he'd seemed genuinely happy to see me. Why did it have to be this way? Why'd I have to decide _cross-dressing_ would be the best way to hide from Ganon? And, most importantly, why had the gods decided to give me the love of my life, and the knowledge that he would soon be gone?!

I'm normally a fairly upbeat person, but all this was bringing my bubbly blonde self down. I needed to get my mind off of this. And, judging by the cold wind coming from Zora's Fountain, that would be the perfect place to start.


	4. The Cold Shoulder

4. The Cold Shoulder

I swore. Zora's Fountain was frozen solid. Not even Kotake was capable of this, most likely Ganon had learned some ice spells from her and adapted them to his own needs. The bastard.

I closed my eyes and let my mind drift. I opened myself up to the Triforce on my hand, and the power that flows through my blood.

There. The Zoras were trapped, frozen, under that ice, but I could sense a weak point somewhere in the ice's surface. Someone with enough power to, not conquer or match, but at least dent Ganon's power. A sage maybe, or perhaps the princess. Either way, I would check it out.

It was in a fairly random corner of the Fountain. It felt like a dent in the ice's power, but looked the same as the rest of it. A solid sheet of ice. You couldn't even see the Zoras underneath it, but I could feel them. Trapped, crying in pain, sorrowful, dammit.

I laid my hand on the "dent" and went probing with my power. Another power met mine. I could sense the ice getting weaker as my power delved into it.Whoever was down there had been pounding on the ice with their power since they had been put down there.

Well, nothin' to it but to do it. I formed my power into a battering ram of sorts and put the smack down on that bit of ice.

Surprisingly quickly the ice shattered, sending needle-like shards flying everywhere. Several of them cut my face and clothing, but they were superficial wounds and I paid them no mind. I had plenty of scars already, a couple of tiny ones wouldn't matter.

A blue figure burst from the ice, shouting incoherently. It landed on the firm ice beside where it had been held and looked around quickly, still shouting random syllables. It was Ruto, princess of the Zoras.

She said a very un-princess-like word (one that I am particularly fond of) then added, "what was that?!"

"Has Ganon been by here?" I asked.

She said that word again, plus "yeah! He threatened my dad, then cast some kind of weird spell, then everything got seriously," she said a variation the word, "cold, so I started screaming my head off because that usually works. And then you came along." She blinked and looked me up and down slowly. "Who are you?"

"My name is Sheik," I said. "I'm a minstrel. Well, that's what I tell people anyway."

"What are you really?" Ruto asked, blinking.

I smiled. "Pretty much the exact opposite of what I seem. Oh, and Princess? The Water Temple's probably in danger, you should check it out."

She nodded mutely, still looking at me strangely, and I threw a deku seed on the ground to escape.

The Ocarina of Time came to and through the Fountain fairly quickly, not long after Death Mountain blew its guts out. Oh yeah, it erupted. Scared the shit out of me too. A volcanic eruption doesn't seem like a good sign, but since it was shortly after Darunia had awakened as a sage I just waited and asked Rauru to ask him for me. The Sages all knew who Zelda was, or who she would be, but I wasn't her...right?

(Damn, I was still so conflicted!)

The Ocarina was in the Ice Cavern, which meant Link was too. I was not a big fan of the Ice Cavern, the line between my male and female forms was tenuous at best, and when I got cold and my nipples stood out the line sometimes...blurred, or was erased completely. In short, the spell simply couldn't handle the discrepancies between Zelda's C-cups and Sheik's pecs. It just didn't _work_.

Other than that the Ice Cavern was kind of useful. All the shadows and reflections made it easy to fade into the background and watch invisibly, which is what I did once I caught up to Link.

Damn he was fine. I loved the way he moved, so fluid, but so solid at the same time. He was strong and smooth in his fighting, he would be _fantastic _in bed with a little training.

Augh! Where did that come from?! Focus Shiek, focus! You are here to help him, not to fantasize about him.

Oh god, he has such a nice ass...

He turned and saw me standing between him and the door of the last room of the Ice Cavern. He jumped in surprise.

"Dammit Sheik!" he exclaimed, looking embarrassed. "Why do you keep doing that?!"

I couldn't help grinning at his expression, but I ignored the question. "If you came here to see the Zoras, you wasted your time," I said. "The frozen Domain is all that is left. If you have courage enough to confront the danger and save the Zoras, I will teach you the melody that leads to the temple." I pulled out my harp and spoke solemnly. "Time passes, people move… Like a river's flow, it never ends… A childish mind will turn to noble ambition… Young love will become deep affection… The clear water's surface reflects growth… Now listen to the Serenade of Water to reflect upon yourself."

I cursed mentally as I played the song. Why did I keep saying things like that? I couldn't let him know that I loved him, I was _Sheik_, a _guy_, I had to remember that.

When we stopped playing he started toward me. "Hey, what was that stuff you were saying before the song? Something about…a childish mind and deep affection?"

I shook my head, feeling a blush rise up in my cheeks, and stepped back. "Link…I'll see you again." Then I ran away (figuratively).

Damn I sucked.

Once outside I looked around and realized with surprise that it was already dark. Late evening, early night, something like that. Chances are Link would be in the Water Temple all night, and the worst, most pathetic, and most useless thing I could do would be to go to the exit point of the Temple and wait for him to show up.

So, of course, that is exactly what I did.

I didn't sleep for more than a few hours, and even that was by accident. It wasn't until just before dawn that Link landed on the island that was above the Water Temple in a swirl of light.

"You did it," I said, standing at a distance behind him.

He turned around, smiling. "Didn't feel like scaring me that time?"

"I just came to congratulate you," I smiled back. I was keeping my distance, I really wanted to congratulate him with a kiss, and maybe more, but I managed to stop myself. "You did it, again."

"You're the one who deserves congratulations Sheik," he grinned wickedly. "I think my fiancée is into you."

"_Into_ me?!" I exclaimed. Then something else he said came through. "Wait, what was that?!"

His grin spread, but I hardly noticed.

"You have a _fiancée_?!" I exclaimed, completely shocked. A _fiancée_?! It couldn't be true, it just _couldn't_! How could Link be engaged? Did this mean... Could this mean...

Link laughed. "Oh man, you should see your face!"

"_You have a fiancée_?!" I couldn't get past that. My heart was ripping in two.

"No. Well, not one that I knew about."

"_You have a fiancée_?!"

"You okay Sheik?" He was looking at me, concerned.

"Umm…" I shook my head to clear it. Get a hold of yourself, you are _Sheik_, a _guy_, and have no romantic interest in this man-babe. "Yeah fine, sure." My persona shattered. "_YOU HAVE A FIANCEE?!?!_"

"Calm down, geez." He sighed. "I do not have a fiancée. I _never_ had a fiancée. Princess Ruto had a thing for me and seemed to think we were engaged. I think she's over her delusions though, because she told me to give you her thanks."

"Oh hell." So that was it. I sat down on the ground, rather abruptly. "I remember Ruto from when I saved her. She's a bit…" I trailed off, not really knowing how to describe her.

"Yeah," he agreed.

I stood up again and looked at him, what would Sheik do in this situation…?

I cocked my head. "So… how far did you get?"

"Sheik!" Link blushed furiously. "Are you kidding?! I didn't- I wouldn't- I don't even like her!"

I laughed. "I got the upper hand again!" I crowed.

Link muttered angrily. "She likes _you_ now, remember?"

"Yeah, but I've got a legitimate reason for dumping her."

"Really? What?"

I gave him my mysterious smile. "Maybe I'll tell you someday."

"Dammit Sheik!"

"I love making you say that," I grinned.

"You…"

Then I saw something over his left shoulder. My eyes widened. "Woah."

He turned and looked. The sun was just rising over the mountains in the east and was reflecting off the water in the now-full lake in an incredibly beautiful way. "Woah," he agreed.

As Link stared at the water I stared at him. He was so hot, but so sweet, almost innocent. The light of the rising sun was reflecting off his hair and the curves of his face, making him look like some kind of golden god. As soon as I realized I had the urge to wrap my arms around him from behind and whisper my feelings into his ear, I turned, climbed up a tree, and dove into the water.

The water was cool and soothing, and it calmed my urges. Water is a blessed thing.

Wait a ? I surfaced and took several gulps of air. Ruto had awakened as a sage?

Oh hell.


	5. Shadows

5. Shadows

I was tired... So very tired... I shouldn't have stayed up all night...I knew that the whole time...but I was so hopelessly obsessed with Link...

Dammit. I had a crush didn't I? The only girls I knew who were this crazy about their guys were completely crushing. But I loved him too. I had loved him since the moment I'd met him, even if it _had _taken me seven years to realize it. Well, even if I did have a crush, right now I was ready to crash, so I went to one of the few places I knew I would be safe.

The Lon Lon Ranch.

Sleeping in a pile of hay, with cows only inches from your head, is surprisingly easy when you're used to sleeping in trees, on the ground, or just not sleeping at all. That was why I liked the Ranch. I could bury myself in hay and be fairly sure that no one would find me. And since Ingo took over there was really no reason for Koume and Kotake to bother it. True, Malon had gotten all whiny lately, but she believed my minstrel cover story and didn't ask me to do anything about it.

Malon was one of the few friends I had. She'd found me sleeping in the hay when I was only twelve, and been kind to me ever since. I did very little in return, except come and visit her, help with chores, and buy milk whenever I actually had money (which was not often). I could come to her when I needed girl talk (that's talk _from _a girl, not between girls, or so I told myself), or just had a lull between death threats.

Now... Well, for one thing, I woke up early. Talon (Talon, of all people!) came in to feed the cows and I snuck out among the shadows.

Then I saw Malon, humming to herself at the edge of the horse corral. I dashed across, staying hidden, and jumped onto the fence beside her.

"Am I manly?" I demanded.

"Wha- what?" she blinked up at me in surprise.

"Answer the question," I said. "Am I manly?"

"Ohh..." she looked at me sympathetically. "Oh Sheik, so you've finally realized...."

My heart sank. "Realized what?"

"Well..." she avoided my eyes. "Let's go to my room."

Without a word I jumped off the fence and led the way. When we got to her room she sat on her bed and patted the spot beside her. I sat on her dresser instead.

"Realized what?" I repeated deliberately.

"Well Sheik..." she was avoiding my gaze again. "Well...you're gay."

"Oh, that. I knew that, I guess..." I had known it. I mean, a straight girl pretending to be a guy is a gay guy, technically. I'd never really thought about it though, sure I'd had thoughts about guys before, I was a teenager, we're _all_ horny, but I'd never really thought of myself as _gay_.

"What?!" Malon looked at me sharply. "Then what brought this on?"

"Um," now I didn't know what to say. She knew I liked guys, but how would she react to my being in love with one? I decided to be edgy about it. "I've met someone..."

"Oh."

We were both quiet for awhile.

"Does...does _he_ think you're manly?" Malon asked hesitantly.

"He doesn't know that much about me. Especially not...you know."

"Yeah, I know."

There was quiet again.

"What's he like?" Malon asked.

I smiled wryly. "You want me to gush? Because I can do that."

"Just tell me what he's like."

"Well…" I leaned back and stared off into space. Then my mouth started moving and words started coming out. I saw Link in my mind's eye, every angle of his face, the forest green of his eyes, that soft honey-blonde hair spilling across his forehead, the column of muscle that was his body, even his legs were sexy. Most women don't appreciate men's legs, but I sure do. Link had great legs.

As I spoke I noticed Malon getting more and more uncomfortable. When she bit her lip and clutched her sheets I stopped abruptly.

"Sorry," I said. "I know it's weird to hear me talking like this."

"No, it's not that. It's…well…"

"What?"

"I, um, I made a move on your guy."

"What?!"

"I'm sorry!" she said quickly. "I didn't know you even knew him when I met him. He showed up at the ranch the other day, he rescued Epona from Mr. Ingo and he got my dad to come back to me. But when I saw him… Well, I've been so lonely…"

"Malon!" I exclaimed, scandalized. "I never thought _you_ would- would-"

"Nothing came of it," she assured me. "I think I came on a little strong and scared him off. But when I saw him I just wanted him to wrap those muscley arms around me and hold me until I died of joy."

We both sighed with longing.

"There's something else…"

"What?"

"Link is… Link likes girls."

I looked away. "Yeah, I know. But how do _you_ know?"

"Um," Malon blushed. "Well, when I was coming on to him I could tell he was… very receptive to my advances."

"You mean he had a hardon?"

Malon blushed even more and nodded.

I couldn't pretend that didn't hurt. True, I had no real claim on Link, I knew he was straight and I was glad of it, but the fact that the man I loved was getting turned on by other girls…

I stopped that train of thought. I had just thought of girls as 'other girls,' meaning I counted myself among them.

"Malon," I said abruptly. "You never did answer my question. Am I manly?"

Malon looked at me seriously. "Sheik, I can tell you honestly that if you weren't gay I would have you on this bed crying out my name in the throes of passion. Hell yeah you're manly!"

I didn't really know what to think about that…

The Ocarina of Time was dashing back and forth around Hyrule Field. It didn't seem to be doing it for any particular reason, but it was doing it very quickly. What could Link possibly be up to?

I headed for Kakariko, one of the places the Ocarina had dashed through, but as I got close my stomach froze.

That's what it felt like, as though my stomach had suddenly frozen solid. There were dark clouds gathering above the village, and I got a very strong STAY AWAY feeling.

So, naturally, I kept going toward it.

A dark shadowed presence was looming somewhere in there. The closer I got the more I wanted to run for cover, and as soon as I got to the stairs I did run. Up them and into the village.

There, the looming presence was looming from the well.

Wait, wasn't the well sealing something in?

"Crap!" I exclaimed. I remembered now! The well was the place where the phantom shadow beast, Bongo Bongo, was sealed away. He wasn't supposed to be able to escape, but if he did I knew exactly where he'd go.

Impa was already there, casting something at the well, but she didn't have enough power and she knew it.

Reminding myself of all the stories I'd heard about this fiend, I rushed to the well and positioned myself in front of it to help.

But I was too late.

While I'd been busy identifying the menace and running around, mass panic or some kind of spell had started a fire. It spread quickly between the wooden buildings, and before we had time to do any kind of real damage Impa had to go and evacuate the people.

There was smoke everywhere, mingling with the shadow coming from the well. It took all my concentration to hold that dark power back, so, naturally, the one thing that would break my concentration more than any other appeared on the scene.

"Sheik!" Link was running towards me.

"Get back Link!" I shouted. If Link got hurt because I failed at this I would never forgive myself.

"What's going on?"

"Long story, just stay back!" But it was too late, I'd been talking to Link and not concentrating on the task at hand.

A formless shadow rose up from the well and rushed at me, lifting me up and hurling him back. I hit the ground with such force that everything went black…

…And when the blackness faded Link was flying over my head and it was starting to rain. I jumped to my feet, ignored the pounding in my skull, and started toward him.

I caught a movement in the corner of my eye and turned toward it. The shadow beast darted away and disappeared into the graveyard. Into the Shadow Temple. "No!"

Impa appeared next to me. "I'll go after Bongo Bongo," she said quickly, "you look after the hero." Then she was gone.

My heart leapt into my throat and I rushed toward the aforementioned hero. "Link!" He was lying on the ground, completely motionless. I leaned over him, brushing some hair away from his face. His skin was waxy and cold, and his lips were blue. He'd lost his hat when the beast had attacked him, and I could see that he had a ponytail. It was pretty hot, but not something I should have been dwelling on, under the circumstances.

"Link, Link, talk to me Link…" I pleaded. If I lost him…the thought was too terrifying. Without Link, I didn't think I could go on with all of this. Somewhere along the line, I had come to depend on him. Maybe I always had. After all, I'd been praying for his return for seven years.

I was considering mouth-to-mouth, but Link's eyelids fluttered. "Sheik…" he mumbled, then opened his eyes.

I sighed with more relief than I'd thought I could feel. "Thank god."

Link moaned and sat up. "What happened?"

"The dark spirit that had been sealed inside the well escaped," I was very tempted to throw my arms around him and squeeze him until he couldn't breathe. "It attacked you."

"It attacked you first," he pointed out.

"Maybe," I admitted. "But I was expecting it, I know what it can do. You, on the other hand, rushed in to battle it without a care for your own safety. You, my friend, are a fool."

"Hey now, I was just trying to protect you!"

That was sweet and all, but I was still mad at him for making me worry. "Fool," I repeated. I stood up and dusted myself off. "The truth is though, the Hero of Time is needed right now."

"Huh?" he stood up too, wincing and feeling his head, probably noticing that his hat was gone.

"The monster has gone to the Shadow Temple," I said. "Impa is trying to reseal it, but she can't do it alone. You've got to help her Link." I withdrew my harp. "I'll teach you the song," I decided. I hadn't intended to do this yet, since the Shadow Temple was creepy as hell, but Impa would need help and I couldn't risk it. "The song that draws you into infinite darkness that absorbs even time: The Nocturne of Shadow."

"Creepy name," he said.

"Yes," I agreed.

Then I played the song. He played along as soon as he picked up the melody, and he seemed to notice that everything dimmed as we played. When we were done he stepped toward me.

I backed away. "Link…I'll see you again." I vanished.

And pounded my fist into the closest hard object I could find. Link was so hot, and I loved him so much. Every time I saw him I found myself wanting to hold his hand, draw him close, slip my hand down his pants. But if I did that he would freak and never speak to me again. The only way I could do any of that was if I told him who I was, but I couldn't stop being Sheik, not yet. I couldn't even tell him I was a girl, because Ganon had eyes everywhere and if he heard I was lying about one aspect of my person, he would suspect all the rest. My disguise, and my safety, relied on my ability to control my urges.

Damn. I was doomed.


	6. Confrontation

6. Confrontation 

I was seething. My blood was boiling in my veins, and I was sure I had fire in my eyes. How could he? How _could _he?! That goddamn son of a _bitch! _How could he _do _this?!

Three days. He had been in the Gerudo Fortress for THREE DAYS. He wasn't captured, I knew that, so why, WHY, did he feel the need to stay there?!

Of course, he'd told me himself he was horny as hell, but I'd never expected him to _act _on it. And with the Gerudos no less! He'd probably done half the tribe by now. Those dirty whores will spread their legs for anyone or anything, good or evil, living or not, male or female, and I should know.

Woah, woah, back up. Don't get me wrong, I was still a virgin, but I'd visited the Gerudos once or twice and they'd all been willing to take that from me. The whores.

I suppose it's different for guys. Sure girls get horny, but mostly we can take or leave sex. It's not crucial. For guys it's like...good food, or clothing, something they want desperately and think they need, but that they can only do without if they absolutely must. But they'd prefer not to.

So Link, my Link, the Hero of Time, was down there in the Gerudo fortress, satisfying his craving for good food or clothing.

The bastard.

I had been watching him since the moment he'd entered the Valley. I intended to help him break out if he got captured, but he did a good job of sneaking around and avoiding whores. I mean Gerudos! No... I meant whores.

Link left the Fortress late in the morning of the third day. I followed. I wanted to beat the crap out of him, but I was paralyzed with rage and despair.

I shouldn't have been despairing of course, it's not like I really had a claim to Link, it was just...I SAW HIM FIRST!! I loved him and I listened to him and...and...and I wanted him to be all mine...

Damn.

I played the Requiem of Spirit and warped to the Desert Colossus. Link didn't need a stalker and I didn't need an obsession. I seemed to have one, but I didn't need one.

A couple of hours later, the Ocarina of Time drew near. Link entered the Colossus area, plagued by Leevers and carrying a big-ass sword that gave me all kinds of wrong ideas.

Everyone knows what swords symbolize, right?

Link walked into the goddess and all I could do was watch. I loved him, I wanted him, I was mad at him. I decided to do something meaningless and impressive, so I shimmied up the side of the decorative arch in front of the Temple and waited.

Soon enough, Link emerged.

I leapt down from the arch, landing perfectly and standing with barely concealed smugness.

Link didn't even say anything, just stood there attentively.

"Past, Present, Future," I said. "The Master Sword is a ship with which you can sail upstream and downstream through time's river. The port for that ship is in the Temple of Time. To restore the Desert Colossus and enter the Spirit Temple, you must travel back through Time's flow." I pulled out my harp. "Listen to the Requiem of Spirit. This melody will lead a child back to the desert."

I played and he played along. It seemed like this time Link was going to be easy to deal with. He was still unbelievably hot, and just seeing him sent my blood boiling, but at least he wasn't coming near me, tempting me.

"Link…" I started to back away. "I'll see you again."

"Hey wait!" he started towards me. Damn. "Hold on a second!"

I called up a harsh sand-filled wind from the side, blinding him and keeping him away from me.

"Oh, no you don't! Not again!" Link shouted. "You're not going anywhere!" Something grabbed me by my collar and yanked me forward. I killed the wind before it could blind me.

Link was holding me. He sighed and blinked some sand out of his eyes. "Like I said, you're not going anywhere," he let go of my collar, "until I get some answers."

"Answers?" I adjusted my collar and looked at him in surprise. "What could you possibly still have questions about?" I thought he already knew all about what was going on.

"Um, _hello_! Everything." He looked at me like I was dense. "Especially you."

"Me?" Oh no. Hell no. He could _not_ be doing this. This could ruin everything.

"Yeah, you." He shook his head. "Come on Sheik, I don't know anything about you, and I want to."

"You- you do?" My heart was pounding out of control. I'd done such a good job of staying away from him, keeping my urges under control, now _this_?

"Of _course_, I thought we were friends. If someone as solitary as you even _wants_ friends."

"I do!" I exclaimed, involuntarily stepping toward him. He looked so hurt, I just wanted to comfort him. "I do want friends, I just… It's dangerous for anyone to get too close to me."

"Oh, and about that," he stepped towards me purposefully. "How come whenever I come within, like, five feet of you, you back up? I'm not gonna bite you. I probably won't even hit you."

"It's not that…" I couldn't meet his eyes. "Look, I've got to go. You have a lot you need to do and -"

"Nope," he grabbed my arm as I tried to turn away. "Not a chance. I told you, you can't leave unless you tell me why you _literally_ won't let me get close to you."

"I- I-" He was touching me. He was _touching me_. "It's just- I- That is- I-"

"Out with it!" He pulled me closer to him. He smelled like warm bread. "Why can't I get near you?"

"It's not that I don't want you near me!" The words exploded out of me, I couldn't even control them. "It's that I don't trust myself near _you_!" Oh hell, I'd crossed the line now.

"What?" He let go of my arm in his confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I- I-" I closed my eyes, sighed, and resigned myself. It was too late anyway, and I didn't have any other songs to teach him, I might as well just go for it. As I said, "Oh, fuck it."

Quickly, so quickly he couldn't escape, I grabbed him by the back of his neck with one hand, pulled my mask down with the other, then pulled his head down and kissed him firmly on the mouth.

His mouth was warm and his lips were soft. I could feel a thrill run through my body as our lips moved together. My hands were trembling even before he started kissing me back.

Oh yeah, he kissed me back. And he was just as good at kissing as he was at looking good. I opened my mouth and tasted him with my tongue, a little trick I'd learned not too long ago, and Link did it right back. I could feel it all the way down to the soles of my feet. Things continued on like that for awhile, with both of us making little "ah" and "mm" noises from time to time. I have no idea how long the kiss lasted, but just as I was ready to rip my clothes off and show him what he could have, I pulled back for air and Link gasped: "Zel!"

Abruptly I pulled away, shocked back to reality. He was thinking of me, but not the me he knew, the me I really was. I was suddenly dumbfounded by the horrible complexities of our relationship. We were going to need decades of couple's therapy if this worked out.

Link was staring at me with this incredible look of shame. "Sheik, I-"

I smiled sadly and readjusted my collar. "I've been wanting to do that since the moment I first saw you in the Temple of Time."

"Listen Shiek, I-"

"Goodbye Link." I stepped back from him and called up the sand-filled wind again. "I won't see you again."

"Wait, Sheik!" Link called, but I was already half-gone.

This time, as soon as I got away, I pounded my fist into a wall and started cussing. I'd heard a lot of swear words in the time I'd spent as a guy, and I used all of them, biting them off as savagely as I could and repeating all the worst ones. I cussed for a half hour, not stopping until I realized I'd just been repeating 'crap crap crap crap' for the last five minutes, then I pounded the wall a few more times and burst into tears.

It was all over now. The next time I saw him, I would tell him the truth. I swore it.

I also swore, in a less honorable sense, for the next two hours.


	7. Reflections

Sorry it's taken me so long to update. Computer troubles, you know how it is. Anyway, we're getting close to the climax so I'll try to make the next updates quick. Enjoy!

Chapter 7. Reflections

My next destination was the Temple of Time. The Ocarina was currently in the past, which meant Link could come back at any time, but I had a mission. I needed the Temple.

Link was in the process of awakening the final sage (and most likely cursing my name) so I had to do what I'd known I needed to do for three years. I had to go into the Sacred Realm, and get the Arrows of Light.

I had been studying Ganondorf for the last seven years, and I knew him fairly well by now.

1. He was completely nuts.

2. He was a lot stronger than I would have liked.

3. He was not, as much as I would have liked him to be, stupid enough to get close to the Hero of Time and the Master Sword.

Link would need a long-range weapon that could destroy evil, without a doubt.

I stepped through the door of time (or is that Door of Time?) And onto the Pedestal. 'Rauru?' I said silently.

'Hello Sheik.'

'It's time.'

'Is it? Already? Oh well, good luck.'

'Thanks.' I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was going to hurt.

I've never really thought of myself as "pure." Sure, I'd pretended to be plenty of times, but I wasn't really. This was bad, since the Sacred Realm is...painful to those not pure of heart. It would probably be nicer to me since I had the Triforce of Wisdom, but it had been badly corrupted since Ganon had tromped through and might hurt me worse.

But I had to go. The Light Arrows were essential and there was no way to get them out of the Sacred Realm except to go in and get them. So I did.

I was right. It hurt like hell.

"Sheik? What are you- Are you okay?"

I groaned and sat up. Looking around, I was rather startled to find myself sitting on Malon's bedroom floor. Judging from the light it was probably early morning of the next day. I didn't know how I'd gotten there or why Malon hadn't found me until now, but it didn't really matter.

I groaned again as I got to my feet. It would take hours to work out all these kinks, and it didn't help that I had woken up horney. Again.

"I'm okay Malon," I said.

"You don't sound okay," she replied accusingly. "You don't really look okay either."

"Thanks," I muttered.

"I worry about you Sheik," Malon said softly. "Some seriously freaky shit has been happening lately, and you just wander around all the time. You could get hurt!"

"I _am _hurt."

"See! Sheik..."

"Don't worry about me Malon, I'm fine. We'll all be fine soon enough."

"Huh?"

I paused by her door. Malon had been a friend to me when I'd needed one, she'd put up with all my crap, she'd known I was gay before I did. She deserved better.

"Malon, I've been lying to you."

"You mean about your name?"

"Well, yes, but about other stuff too. Malon, I'm not gay."

"But I thought you had a thing for that-"

"I do. But I'm not gay..." I hesitated, just for a second. "I'm a girl."

Then I got out of there as fast as Sheikah magic could get me.

May the Goddesses bless Sheikah magic.

I had Rauru tell Link I would meet him in the Temple of Time, then melted into the shadows and waited. This could be almost as painful as the Sacred Realm. I wasn't really looking forward to it but it had to be done.

Besides, I really wanted to see Link's face when he found out who I was.

I knew who I was now, that was an interesting side effect of having all illusions stripped away in the Sacred Realm. I was a woman, Zelda, with a personality that could pass for male, Sheik. I'm sure plenty of girls don't fit the princess mold any better than I do, so it wasn't a big deal.

I couldn't wait to tell Link, but I could definitely wait to tell him the rest of it.

He came into the temple only a little after I did, looking around expectantly. I stepped out of the shadows and waited.

"Sheik!" he exclaimed, turning. "What are you- Why did you-" He shook his head, as though to clear it. "Look, we need to talk."

"Later." I smiled a little (he was so cute when he was confused!) But the hurt in his eyes held me back. "First I have some stuff to say," I said.

So I rattled off a little speech, something like this, "When Ganon touched the Triforce, it divided into three parts, power, wisdom, and courage. He only has the Triforce of Power. The two lost parts were put within the two chosen ones of destiny. Those shall bear the Triforce mark on their hand. The one who has the Triforce of Courage…is you Link!"

The Triforce in my left hand began to vibrate, and I saw Link look at the back of his. The Triforce was shining through his glove, with the Triforce of Courage brightest.

"And the bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom," I said with some difficulty, "destined to be the leader of sages is…"

I took a deep breath, then held up my left hand. I used its power to rend the disguise from me. For the first time in years, Princess Zelda stood in the Temple of Time.

I felt about the same, the Sheik disguise had been mostly visual, but I wasn't entirely sure where the dress had come from. Was this the Triforce's idea of a joke?

"It is I, the Princess of Hyrule, Zelda." I took another deep breath and babbled. "I- I apologize for meeting you in disguise, but it was necessary to hide from the King of Evil. Please forgive me…I-" I looked at Link for a moment, he looked shell shocked, then turned away. "I passed myself off as a Sheikah and hoped that you would return. I waited for seven years. Link I'm…such an idiot!" I exclaimed.

I started babbling an apology, trying to defend myself and degrade myself at the same time. Link's eyes were blank, stunned. He didn't actually look conscious.

Suddenly he exclaimed, "Oh god! I talked to you about _sex_!"

I blinked, startled out of my ramblings. "Have you even been listening to me?"

"God!" He exclaimed again. He was blushing furiously.

"Oh yeah, I remember that," I said. It was just guy talk, why was he worried? "Look, it was no big deal, it's not like I think any less of you or something."

"But- but-" he shook his head. "It was weird talking about it with Sheik, but _you_? You're a girl, and a princess besides, I just- It's so-"

"Calm down Link," I smiled at him (he was so _cute_!). "I'm still Sheik inside, just the appearance has changed."

"For the better."

I blinked. He'd said it so simply, almost unthinkingly, like he honestly meant it. "You really think so? I haven't seen myself in years so…"

"Trust me Zel," he smiled warmly. "You've got nothing to worry about."

Suddenly I was floating. He wasn't mad, he thought I was pretty, he had such a great smile, and... he'd called me "Zel." I shook my head to clear it. "Look, before I forget, you need to take these." I pulled out the bundle of pre-enchanted arrows. "Light arrows," I explained. "They destroy all evil monsters in one hit, and they're the only thing that will hurt Ganon from a distance."

I held them out and he took them. Our hands brushed. His were hard and calloused, but warm and strong. I wanted to feel them on me.

I looked at him, attempting a playful smile. "You know…no one's ever called me by a nickname before."

"Do- do you mind?" he asked, turning red again.

I shook my head firmly. "Not at all. Not at all…Link." I said his name softly, the way you would say it when calling your lover to the bedroom.

He gulped.

I started to tell him just what I was going to let him do to me, but suddenly my vision went...blue. I saw Link jump back in surprise, and I reached out to touch the blue.

Solid. I was inside a blue...I don't know, crystal or something. And I knew exactly who had done it.

"Goddammit Ganon!" I exclaimed. "You psycho bastard! Could you have _worse _timing?!" I started cussing in as many languages as I knew.

"Princess Zelda, you foolish traitor," Ganon began. I stopped listening and kept on cussing. He wasn't paying attention to me either, ranting on about something or other. He was a psycho bastard, and I already knew what he wanted from me. I didn't need to listen to him now.

Then my vision began to waver as the crystal floated farther away from Link. I knew Ganon would take me to his tower, I knew I was being taken from Link. And just when it had looked like I was going to get laid too!

"Link!!" I cried. I couldn't hear him, but I could tell he was crying my name too. I banged on the crystal and screamed until my throat was raw, but there was nothing I could do.

Link and the temple faded from my sight.


	8. Ganon's Damn Tower

This chapter brings the rating up to an R because of language. Should princesses watch their tongues? Zel obviously doesn't think so.

8. Ganon's Damn Tower

"I hate you," I said flatly.

Ganon ignored me.

"I really do. I seriously fucking hate you and hope you die soon and slowly."

He kept on ignoring me.

"Goddammit you bastard! Why won't you fucking_listen _to me?!"

Ganon sat down at the massive organ below me and began to play. I couldn't hear it too well, but I could feel the vibrations of the notes in my crystal prison. It felt evil.

"If Link doesn't kill you," I said, "I will."

"You can't," Ganon said simply.

And the worst part was, he was right.

I have never killed anyone, and I doubt I ever will. As much as I hated Ganon, and as evil as he was, I did not have the right to decide whether he lived or died. Besides, he had the Triforce of Power. It would be hard as hell to kill him, even if I wanted to. Which was where the other plan came in.

"What the hell is wrong with you anyway?"

Ganon ignored me.

"Why are you _doing_ this?"

"Why?" he smiled a little. "Because I can, I suppose."

"Because you can?! What the hell kind of answer is that? _Damn _you're nuts!"

"I'm not the one who's been cross-dressing for the last seven years. Not very convincingly by the way. Koume and Kotake were convinced you were a flaming homosexual even before you kissed that nuisance Link."

"Shit! They _saw _that?!"

"They see a lot of things. They saw my destiny."

"Your destiny huh?" I hmphed. "Then they are just as crazy as you are. Do you really think it's your destiny to kill and destroy? To rule a kingdom of despair? To be _evil_?!"

"I am not evil."

"Yeah. Sure. You're just misunderstood."

"You _don't _understand."

I blinked. He sounded serious.

"I grew up in the desert, a land of death and debauchery. When I saw the green lands and cool rivers of the rest of Hyrule, how could I not desire it for myself? I was born to be king, but not of that barren wasteland and those mad women. I deserved a better kingdom, so I took it."

"Bastard," I said softly. "You killed my father and stole my home because you wanted it for _yourself_?!" I was getting worked up now. "Because you thought it was your _right_?! How dare you? How _dare _you?! How dare you try to justify your actions to me?! Do you even know who I am?!" I drew myself up to my full height and glared down at him, regally. "I am Princess Zelda of Hyrule, the Princess of Destiny, Leader of the Sages, Survivor of the Sheikah, and this is _my _fucking kingdom!!"

I hear a quick pattering of footsteps on the stairs.

"And _that _is my fucking Hero."


	9. King of Evil

9.King of Evil

Link burst into the room, out of breath and pissed off. The Triforce in my hand began resonating, almost painfully. Ganon said something that he apparently didn't think I needed to hear, since I couldn't hear it, then turned and faced Link.

The battle began.

Ganon obviously had the advantage at first. He threw a ball of light that destroyed a lot of the floor and Link retreated to the remains of it around the walls. Ganon threw another ball of light and Link deflected it with the Master Sword.

I was impressed. I was genuinely impressed. Link, somehow, knew his stuff. Not to mention how cool he looked with his sword, fighting the evil warlock.

Despite Link's utter coolness, the fight was still a nail-biting experience for me. How could I not be worried when the fates of me, my country, and the man I loved were all at stake? The first time Link landed a blow I cheered aloud, but I reminded myself so much of a cheerleader that I didn't do it again.

When Ganon began gathering energy for an attack the I knew couldn't be blocked I screamed at Link to run, but I don't think he heard me. He ran anyway, proving yet again the he knew his stuff.

The man I loved was so damn cool!

I watched, fascinated, as Link fought Ganon with seemingly unlimited strength. He was fighting like a man possessed, or perhaps on a mission, like this meant very little but he was going to get it done goddammit!

Or maybe I was projecting my own feelings on to him.

Link had never seemed particularly passionate about saving the world. Saving me, now that was another matter, but the world? He did what I told him to do because he liked me, and then later simply because he felt he had too. Or at least, that was my understanding. And now he was fighting a madman. For me.

I was going to have to say goodbye to him after this, and I was actually glad. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve...me. (I'm degrading myself, not him; never him.)

Ganon was losing strength quickly. Being stabbed repeatedly is not good for anyone, and he was no longer young. I suppose that the battle wasn't long, but it seemed like years to me, helpless to do anything.

But Link stabbed Ganon one time too many, and the evil bastard sank to the ground.

He spoke weakly. "…You…little… How could a kid like you…do this to me? Well…I won't let it end like this…No!" He coughed, and blood splattered the ground in front of him. "No…" he said again, then collapsed.

The tower rumbled, and the walls and ceiling collapsed. My crystal prison started sinking in the air, and Link ran towards me, dodging debris. When it touched the ground it shattered, and I lost my balance. Link caught me before I fell.

"Hi," he said, seemingly at a loss for words.

"Hi," I replied, smiling sheepishly. I got to my feet, much as I hated to leave Link's arms, and stared at the remains of the crystal. "That…was not the smartest thing I've ever done."

"Probably not," he said, smiling. He sounded like someone without a worry in the world.

"Oh well," I sighed; this was my own fault. "They say love makes fools out of everybody."

I clapped my hands to my mouth and stared a Link, horrified by what I'd just done. I knew what the "L" word could do to a relationship, and I definitely did not want that to happen here. I did love him, but he didn't need to know it!

"I guess that explains why I've been such a fool lately," Link said, smiling. I stared in shock as realization dawned, but before I could say anything the tower rumbled again.

Hell.


	10. HE'S NOT FCKING DEAD YET!

10. _He's Not Fcking Dead Yet?!_

"Ganondorf, pitiful man," I said, looking toward the body. "Without a strong, righteous mind, he could not control the Triforce. Wait a second." Something was wrong. I stepped away from Link and peered at the ground. "Where is he?"

"What?" Link looked too, and noticed what I had. Ganondorf wasn't there. "He's gone!" he exclaimed.

The ground shook again, insistently. "And now he's trying to bring the castle down around us!" I growled.

"What?!" Link exclaimed again. I noticed that he was looking rather worn.

"Here," I took his hand and closed my eyes, concentrating. I poured my power into him, soothing his wounds and relaxing his muscles.

"I didn't know you could do that," Link said, smiling.

I smiled back, and didn't let go of his hand. Then the castle rumbled again and I swore harshly; there wasn't time for that now. Would there _ever _be time for it?

I hiked up my skirts and started picking my way through the rubble toward the path I knew was there, cursing all the while.

There is an art to cursing, a rhythm that you only pick up with practice. I'd had seven years by then and was pretty damn close to perfecting it.

"Come on!" I called back to Link. "There's a path!"

He came over and looked at it. "We have to go down _that_?" he asked, dismayed. Evan I had to admit that the path didn't look close to stable, but we didn't have much choice.

The tower rumbled again.

"Never mind." He grabbed my elbow and pulled me after him. "Let's get out of here."

I laughed merrily, Link was sooo cute! But I stopped when pieces of the wall started falling around us.

After that, we just ran. Link was careful to stay on the outside edge of the path, between me and the drop. I don't think he even noticed it, but I appreciated it all the same.

The path curved through the castle, but was blocked by iron bars. I paused and cast the spell to raise them, then we charged through the castle, paused while I raised some more bars, then kept on charging.

The next time we had to go indoors Link ran a little bit ahead of me. I grabbed my skirts and tried to keep up, but stopped abruptly when fire sprang up in front of me. Instinctively I dodged, but swore when I realized I was surrounded.

Link turned when he heard me, he looked all wavery through the flames, but before he could try to help a pair of Stalfos appeared and held him off. I discovered that none of my spells were working at about the same time Link defeated the Stalfos and rushed to my side.

I swore again and tried to beat the flames out of my skirt. "This was brand new," I muttered.

"You okay?" Link asked desperately.

"Fine, come on." I grabbed Link's hand and pulled him to the next set of bars.

Then we went back to charging through. We were going so fast, so intent on escaping, that I barely even noticed the ReDeads on the bridge above the Water Hall until we were past them.

Finally we reached the exit, and ran as far from the castle as we could without taking a dip in the lava.

Then we turned and looked back, as what had once been my home shuddered, fell to pieces, and collapsed into itself; leaving nothing but black ruins.

"It's over," I sighed with relief. "It's finally over."

I looked at Link, and he looked at me. Maybe there was time for it now. I reached out and took his hand, and we stepped closer together.

"Zel, I was…so worried," Link said.

"So was I," I replied. "You've taken such huge risks…" I bit my lip, nervous. "Link, I-"

There was a crash among the ruins.

"What was that?" I exclaimed.

Link drew his sword and released my hand. "I don't know," he said. All of a sudden he looked very heroic, walking out among the ruins, on alert. He looked around, but there didn't seem to be anything out there so he started to turn back.

A massive black shape rose up from the ruins and smacked Link so hard that he lost his grip on the sword. It went flying, sticking in the ground near me and immediately catching fire.

Link clambered to his feet and looked behind him. What I can only describe as a gigantic pig of evil stood behind him, wielding two enormous swords.

Navi shouted something, I couldn't hear it from where I was, then bobbed off behind what Ganon had become.

Ganon roared and swung at Link with one of his swords. He managed to roll away, but things were looking desperate. If Ganon had survived both being run through _and_ the castle collapsing on him, what hope did Link have of defeating him like _this_?

Navi popped up beside Link and said something to him. Link grinned, said something back, then pulled out his bow and shot a Light Arrow in piggy-Ganon's face.

While he was temporarily blinded Link ran around behind him and slashed at the ball on the end of his tail with his giant sword. Ganon bellowed with rage and pain and whirled around, where Link was ready with another Light Arrow. This was looking a lot better. Link had a plan, and it was working.

Then I remembered the Master Sword, the sword that can destroy evil, I had to get it to him! I started casting spells to put out fires, but they didn't work. So I started in on spells that fought evil.

Link somehow wound up close to me and the Sword. "How you doing?" I asked him.

"Not bad, not really," he answered. He was slightly out of breath but seemed all right. "Can you do anything to get the Sword out?"

"I'm trying," I said. "If you keep him busy I should be able to bring down the flames."

"Thanks," he flashed me a smile that nearly melted me into a puddle, then ran back close to Ganon.

The battle seemed to last for hours. I'd tried the fire-extinguishing spells, I'd tried the evil-destroying spells, I'd tried ice spells, water spells, sand spells, but nothing worked. Finally, I did the one thing I hadn't tried. I gritted my teeth, reached through the flames, grabbed it and pulled.

"Link!" I called. "Catch!" I chucked it at him and he caught it automatically.

Ganon loomed over Link, but now he had the instrument of his defeat. Link leapt in to the air, higher than I thought possible, and brought the sword that can destroy evil right down between his eyes.

It was time.

My gloves were still smoldering.


	11. The End

11. The End

"CURSE YOU…ZELDA! CURSE YOU…SAGES! CURSE YOU…LINK! Someday, when this when this seal is broken, I will exterminate your descendants! As long as the Triforce of Power is on my hand…"

I tried to block Ganon's voice from my mind as I took Link and myself to a kind of "shelf" in the Sacred Realm. It would give us some privacy, and since it wasn't exactly "sacred" (trust me, you don't want to know what made it removed) it wouldn't hurt us.

It did, however, look like it was made entirely of clouds. Romantic, in a way, but sappy.

Oh who was I kidding? This was going to be sappy as hell.

"Where is this place?" Link asked when we got there.

"Somewhere we can be alone." I said simply. There was no time to waste on explanations. I looked at Link. I wanted to memorize his face. "Link…you did it. You defeated Ganondorf, you saved Hyrule, I don't think anyone will ever forget you, I…I know I won't."

"What do you mean?" Link asked, he looked at me sharply.

"You…don't belong here Link. This isn't your world." I bit my lip and looked away. I couldn't look into those forest green eyes. "I wish it didn't have to be like this, I swear I do, but…but I want what's best for you, and you deserve to live the part of your life that was taken from you."

"You're sending me back?" Link stared at me. "But Zel-"

"Please don't make this any harder than it already is," I snapped, harsher than I meant to. "Just…just give me the Ocarina of Time and you can get back to your life." Link opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. I didn't want to hear it. "I will work here, to rebuild Hyrule. I'll miss you, more than you can imagine, but it'll be all right."

"No it won't," Link said softly.

"What?" I looked at him, surprised.

"It won't be all right," he repeated. "I know you Zel, it'll be awful for you, but I know you're strong, and eventually it'll be okay. Not all right, but okay."

"So…you agree?"

"That I have to go back?" I nodded. "I guess. If you say that's how it has to be, I'll go along with it. I won't lie to you, part of me really wants to go back, to go home. But most of me… Dammit Zel!"

I blinked. Where had _that _come from?

"Before I go, I have to say one thing."

"Link-"

Link started digging in his pack. "Don't try and stop me okay? I have to get this out before I lose my nerve." He took a deep breath. "I love you Zel, with all my heart and soul."

I inhaled sharply as the words struck me.

"I think I've loved you since the moment I met you, but it took me longer than it should have to realize it. I loved Sheik too, and I don't have to tell you how much that messed me up." He smiled wryly. "The moment I saw who you really were, this incredible weight dropped off me, but then an even bigger one dropped on, because I knew I loved you, and I knew it was doomed." He had removed the Ocarina of Time from his pack, and now reached out and pressed it into my hand. "Now send me back before I do something I'll regret."

There were tears in my eyes as I glared at him, but I didn't care. "Damn you," I whispered, I couldn't speak any louder. "Why do you have to do this _now_?"

"Was I supposed to do it some other time?"

I shook my head, and the tears spilled down my cheeks. "No, but it's so hard now…"

He looked at me, a serious expression on his face. "Zel, right now I want to do something that I know I shouldn't do. And unless you send me back fast, I'll do it."

It took me a moment to realize what he was talking about. Then I smiled. "Don't tempt me."

"I'm trying not to."

"I love you."

He blinked.

"Goodbye Link."

I played the Ocarina with shaking breath, sending Link back where he belonged. Back where I couldn't reach him.

Tears stung my eyes and clouded my vision, and as I finished the song, I blinked hard to clear them away. But they didn't clear.

Wait a second? What was going on? Why couldn't I see? And why did I suddenly feel like I was lying in a bed with silk sheets?

Because I was.

I sat up and stared around, dashing the tears from my eyes with a ridiculously ruffled sleeve.

I recognized that sleeve. I recognized this bed, the curtains around it... But how could I be here?

I looked down at myself. Small soft hands with short bitten nails and nary a callous in sight. A small, shapeless torso without a single scar. Muscleless arms that had never lifted anything more deadly than a sewing needle.

There could be no doubt about it. I was a child again.

"What the _hell_!" I exclaimed before I could stop myself.

There was a gasp from the room beyond the bed. I crawled to the side of the bad and flung aside the curtains, to find a maid previously in the middle of preparing my breakfast staring at me in shock.

"What?" I snapped.

"N-nothing your highness. Forgive me," she curtsied hurriedly.

"Damn," I muttered. "I forgot about this."

"Your highness?"

"It's nothing." I smiled winningly. "Could you find Miss Impa for me?"

"Of course your highness," the maid, I think her name was Jenne, curtsied again and swept from the room.

I climbed out of the ridiculously huge and frilly bed and hesitantly approached the small table on which Jenne had laid my breakfast. I t looked good, and I hadn't had a decent cup of tea in years...

When Impa arrived I was on my third cup of the best tea on the goddesses' green earth, and just finishing my second piece of toast.

"Your highness? Are you all right?" she asked as she came in. She was frowning at me. "That maid you sent seemed rather...rattled."

"Long story," I said with my mouth full. Impa frowned harder and I swallowed before continuing. "Impa, something rather big has happened..."

And so I told her. Not the whole story, I left out all the personal stuff, especially about Link and me. I also left out her tempestuous affair with that younger man, since it hadn't ended well and she hadn't wanted me to know about it. But everything else I went into in great detail.

It took two hours, and when it was over she just stared at me for some time. "That was...some dream," she said finally.

I stared at her, dismayed. I had thought that she would believe me; I'd never lied to her before, not at this point in time, so why did she think it was just a dream? "It wasn't a dream," I said simply. "But I don't know how to convince you otherwise." I stared into my teacup for a moment, until I remembered something. "Oh!" I looked back up at Impa. "What's the date today?"

She told me, and immediately my heart started pounding. Today was the day.

The day I had first met Link.

I spent the rest of the day in the garden, waiting. I was setting myself up for disappointment, I knew, but I couldn't help but hope. It had been sometime in the afternoon, I wished desperately I could remember the exact time, when Link had come. So I stood there, waiting, for hours.

I was looking in the window at my father's throne room, bored, when I heard footsteps and breathing behind me. Heart pounding, I turned.

"Hi," Link said, at a loss for words.

"Hi," I replied, equally lost.

For a moment we stared at each other, then…

"Link!" I cried, flying towards him.

"Zel!" he cried right back.

Suddenly our arms were around each other and we were laughing, crying, jumping up and down, spinning around, babbling incoherently, acting like, well, children. Link was crying "Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" over and over again.

After an eternity of hyperactive joy at our reunion, Link and I pulled apart, looked at each other, and laughed. "Okay," he said, wiping his eyes, "that was fun."

I nodded, still laughing. "I was afraid I'd never see you again."

"So was I." Link took my hand and held it up between us. "But neither of us ever have to be afraid of that again."

And, for almost two months, we weren't.


	12. After the End

12. After the End

In retrospect, running away for a few days to meet Link's friends wasn't the best of ideas. That, plus the swearing (no one could figure out where I'd picked up all those words), got me confined to the castle for two weeks. But Link and I had been having trouble before then. Not relationship-wise, just trouble finding time for each other. Or, more specifically, _I_ had been having trouble finding time for _him_.

It was my own fault really. Even at ten I had been a bit of a tomboy, but I'd been raised as a princess so my boyish tendencies were repressed. Spending seven years as a boy had...warped my princess mind into something completely different. That of a badass.

I was quickly reminded that challenging the pages to fisticuffs was not proper princess behavior. Neither was threatening their manhood with sugar tongs. Neither was swearing when I banged my shin/tripped over my skirts/was startled by Impa. Or just swearing in general.

I was _proud _of my swearing! I had raised it to...well, if not an art form at least a damn good way of expressing frustration. Other people got to swear all the time, but not princesses. _Nooo_, call one page a pussy and it's bread and water for three days.

That's why I went off with Link to see his home. My own home was never a home really, just a place where I lived and was forced to embroider flowers on napkins. I was treated like someone special, a dainty china doll, when I was a flesh and blood hylian. Link knew that, because he'd never been told that princesses were perfection. He knew I wasn't, because he'd seen me at close to my worst.

He didn't even tell his friends I was a princess, that's how great Link is. In fact he introduced me as his "true, true heart." It was so sweet I almost cried. But I didn't. I wouldn't cry in front of his friends.

I had a great time in the forest with him and the others. Running around, climbing trees, jamming with the skull kids. The only downside was that Link got a little down towards the end. It turns out one of his skull kid friends had gotten depressed and was sulking somewhere, and Link was worried about him.

After I got back I was grounded, then my lessons were doubled and I was forced to spend hours practicing my etiquette. Is it _my _fault that stuff is boring as hell? Of course, expressing that opinion just lost me even more freedoms.

I no longer had time for Link, and I told him so, regretfully. But I gave him the Ocarina of Time so he wouldn't forget to visit.

I missed him, desperately, but I knew he was better off not having to wait for me. Knowing that I couldn't hang out with him was at least better than hoping I would and finding out I couldn't.

But I still missed him, so I threw myself into my studies and tried to remember how to act the perfect princess. It took awhile, almost five months, but I eventually made enough progress that my lessons were cut back and I had time again.

I immediately ran away and went looking for Link.

"Zelda!" Saria exclaimed when she saw me come running into the village. "Is Link all right? Have you heard from him?"

My heart sank. "W- what?" I panted.

"Link!" she repeated. "He's at least kept in touch with you hasn't he?"

Wordlessly I shook my head.

"Oh dear..." she clasped her hands. "You didn't know did you?"

I shook my head again. "How long has he been gone?"

"More than three months, but he went off by himself a lot so he could have been missing for some time before that."

My heart was in my knees and sinking steadily. "Th- three months?"

"Uh-huh."

Three months ago, for three days, I'd had some very confusing dreams about Link being turned into different creatures, traveling through time, and being swallowed by the moon. It had all taken place in somewhere that was not Hyrule, despite the familiarity of all the faces. The dreams had been very vivid, like all my prophetic dreams, but had been so ridiculous that I'd ignored them. I was an idiot.

"Oh Link..." I felt tears dripping down my cheeks, and I didn't care this time. Link was lost, somewhere I couldn't reach him, and the goddesses only knew when, or if, he would return. I couldn't even hear the Ocarina at all. "Oh _Link_," I sobbed.

Saria was looking at me awkwardly. She had been...not cold, but at least distant, to me when I had visited. I was fairly sure she didn't feel the same way about Link as he did about her (he thought of her as a big sister) and had been jealous of me, but I couldn't be sure. Now she looked like she wanted to comfort me, but couldn't bring herself to.

"I- it's all right your highness," she said finally. "Link can take care of himself."

I stared at her, blinking the tears from my eyes. "How did you know?"

"Know?" Saria blinked. "Know what?"

"Who I am. I didn't want anyone to know that I'm...well, what I am."

"The princess you mean? I don't know how I learned it, I just think I always knew. Maybe Link told me."

"No, he's smarter than that." I looked at Link's house. It looked so...lonely. "I'm going to spend the night here," I said, walking toward it.

"Don't you have to be home?" Saria asked, following me. I wondered mildly when I would be taller than her.

"Yes," I answered simply. "But I'm not going anywhere just yet." Link had added one carving to the collection of monsters and stick figures at the base of his tree-home. L + Z, surrounded by a heart.

Link was so sweet.

He was also apparently a lot neater than I would have thought. Though there was a thin layer of dust on everything, all his possessions were on shelves or stored neatly under his bed or in the trunk against his wall. It looked like he had packed up, in preparation for a journey.

Oh Link, where were you?

Naturally I got in trouble when I got back to the castle, but I didn't care. Link was gone, and I didn't have a damn clue where he was. I was just going through the motions; wake up, eat, lessons, eat, lessons, dress, eat, embroider, go to bed, lie awake, sleep. I did that every day, and somehow the days passed.

Days became weeks; weeks became months; months, years. I just kept breathing in and out, sleeping and eating, and the time crawled along.

After awhile I started to be interested in what was happening around me again. The first day I proudly showed a new piece of embroidery to Impa, it had been a particularly difficult design, she scooped me up in her arms and announced how happy she was to have me back. It took me awhile to realize what she meant.

Things got better and better after that. Not good, I still missed Link, but better. Link's absence was like a toothache, never going away, but not something I had to dwell on. Even five years after he had disappeared I found myself writing down something funny that a page had done to tell Link about later. But then I remembered I didn't know when he'd be coming back.

And then, _He _showed up. The first of many _He_s actually, but this one was the first and He stuck in my mind. His name was Vincent and He was the son of a noble. He was about my age (fifteen) and _boring as hell_. All He could talk about was his exploits on the battlefield (like a fifteen year old has ever seen battle) and His dogs.

I don't think anyone ever found out I was the one who put that toad in his stew.

After Vincent had been gone for a week, another He came. And I realized what was happening. I was fifteen years old, quite pretty (or so I'd been told), and the only child of the royal family of Hyrule. My father was trying to marry me off.

And so the war began! I was always coolly polite to the suitors when they came, but I slipped the maids an extra tip if they "forgot" to warm our visitors sheets, or happened to mention how mannish I could be. I showed not one iota of interest in anything any of the young men had to say, especially since I usually wasn't interested anyway. I knew more about swords than they did most of the time, and when I didn't I still didn't think they had to be so superior when they explained it to me.

After about eight months of these pompous peacocks I got a brilliant idea. I still remembered how to change myself into Sheik, I had made the spell myself so I wasn't about to forget it, and I used him to drive away many a He.

Soon stories began to spread about the masked man who came to the suitors in the middle of the night and challenged them to combat. The same young man who melted in and out of the shadows and stalked the steps of any visiting men. The same young man who had been seen laughing maliciously at the men as they fled the castle.

Then someone noticed that the masked man was a Sheikah, and Impa was questioned. I decided Sheik should go back into hibernation.

It was too bad, I had liked indulging my manhood again.

It took awhile, but the suitors grew bold again. I was almost seventeen now, and I would have to be married soon if I did not want to be labeled "difficult." Little did they know that was exactly what I wanted. This next batch of suitors were even worse than the first ones. Apparently my father had invited all the good ones first. Well bully for him, I still wasn't getting married. Not ever.

There _was _one suitor that I got along with, even though I didn't want to marry him; but I couldn't figure out why he wasn't like the others until I found him making out with a squire in the stables. It turned out to be the same squire I had called a pussy back when he was a page. No _wonder _I had liked that suitor. I had been a gay guy myself once.

I had decided, in some back part of my mind, that Link would return to me after seven years had passed. I turned seventeen, was still unmarried, and started spending a lot more time in my garden. On the day Link had come out of the Sacred Realm, in that alternate present, I stood in the garden all day and waited. My suitor at the time was confused and put off, especially when I didn't even come indoors to eat, but I didn't care.

Link didn't come.

Less than a fortnight later (had all that really happened in so short a time?) was the anniversary of Ganon's defeat and our return to childhood. My new suitor was just as put off as the last one. I didn't care.

Link didn't come.

I didn't know what to do any more. There weren't any more significant dates, so I no longer had the slightest clue when Link would be back. Not even a guess.

I wondered if Link did.

More time passed, more suitors came and went, so did my eighteenth birthday. Two weeks later my father called me to his chambers. Nervous, I went.

"Zelda," he said sternly when I came in. No one does stern quite like a king. "I think there is something you don't understand."

"There are plenty of things I don"t understand," I replied indolently, "but this isn't one of them."

"Then when are you going to choose a husband!" my father demanded.

"Never," I said simply. "I'm not getting married."

"Yes you are." My father drew himself up to his full height, which was substantial, and glared at me. "You may be the princess of Hyrule, but I am still your father, and your king. You will choose from the suitors you have seen over the last few years, and you will choose the one who will make the best king."

I opened my mouth, but I didn't know what to say.

"You may go," my king told me.

I left.

I threw myself on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. Who of all those pompous buffoons would make the best king? Hell, _I_ could be a better king than any of them.

I sat up. Yes, of course, that was the answer. There was precedent, I knew. My father's grandmother had been a ruling Queen, though she'd taken a Prince Consort in order to have children.

I almost laughed out loud. How would Impa react when I told her I wanted to be King?


	13. Link

13. Link

The next day I was expecting my father to call for me, but dreading it. I still hadn't told Impa, and I wasn't exactly looking forward to it. I was, however, very much looking forward to telling the king. I might even shock him into a heart attack and ascend to the throne that very day!

But having that thought stopped me. Did I really want my father to die? Of course not. But...I wouldn't mind not seeing him much. I didn't anyway; he was always too busy for me. We had been close when I was small, but as I got older he started to see me as less of a daughter and more of a commodity. That was the way it often worked in noble families. It was sad.

As I was thinking all this, I was changing my clothes, having just come back from riding. Lost in thought, I almost didn't hear the gasp from my window; but I definitely heard the thud of a body hitting the ground.

I threw on my dress and rushed to the window, to find a figure lying flat on the ground.

A male figure. Dressed in a green tunic and hat, with honey-blond hair peeking from under it.

"Link?" I asked, hardly daring to believe it.

Link looked up, a nervous expression on his face.

He was beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, even better than I had remembered. Those eyes, that hair, those broad shoulders and strong arms that I just wanted to wrap around me. I wondered if he knew he was a sex god.

Link got to his feet and bushed himself off. "Um, hi, uh, your Highness." He bowed a little. I glared.

"Don't you dare," I growled, "don't you dare ever call me that. People I've known since I was a baby and people I've never even met call me that. Don't you dare treat me like I'm a title."

Link blinked, then grinned. "Sorry Zel, but I thought a certain amount of ceremony was more than appropriate, given the circumstances."

I blinked too, then burst out laughing. That was what I had said to him, back when I had first met him as Sheik. "I can't believe you remembered that! After all these years…" Then I remembered how many years it had been and glared at him again. "Where the _hell _have you been!" I exclaimed.

"That's kind of a long story," he grinned sheepishly (he was so cute!), "but believe me, I was trying to get back to you the whole time."

"You better have been!" I stepped back from the window. "Now get in here."

"What, through the window?" He stared in surprise.

"I've waited a grand total of _fifteen years_ for you; now get in here before I drag you in!"

"Yes Ma'am!"

I grabbed him almost before he was completely through the window, pulling him close and kissing him as if I wanted to eat him up.

Of course, what I wanted was completely different.

Link apparently wanted it too, because he shrugged off his pack and sword and wrapped his big muscley arms around me. His hands were just as strong as I'd imagined, and his touch even more gentle.

He was such a good kisser. I don't know if it was a natural talent, something he'd learned, or what, but I didn't particularly care. They say someone is a good kisser if you can feel it in your knees, well I felt Link all the way to the soles of my feet.

I pulled him to my bed, all thoughts but one wiped from my mind. From the way Link was kissing me, I knew we were thinking the same thing.

Then Impa's voice intruded on our pre-coital happiness. "Your Highness?"

I swore. Link scrambled off me and I got up and fixed my dress as best I could. "Is my hair messed up?" I asked him.

"A little. Here." He came over and smoothed it down for me. I stared up into those deep green eyes and willed Impa away...

"Your Highness?" Impa called again.

Guiltily we jumped away from each other. This wasn't exactly the reunion I'd planned, but I hadn't taken into account 'The Princess Factor.' I didn't really have time to devote to him.

"Come on," I grabbed Link's hand and pulled him through the door, into the antechamber. I sat him down in a chair on one side of the table, and sat down on the other side.

"Your Highness!" Impa's voice was insistent now, and it was a good thing we were ready.

"Come in," I called, and Impa did, doing the slightest of double-takes upon seeing Link.

"Your father is waiting for your decision Princess," she said to me, deliberately ignoring the boy in my room. "Are you ready?"

"Completely," I got to her feet and swept toward the door. This was going to be fun. "Wait for me here, will you Link? This shouldn't take but a moment."

Link was probably confused out of his little mind, and I didn't envy him the encounter with Impa that I was sure was coming, but I knew he was a good guy and would handle it.

I, on the other hand, was not nearly as good as everyone thought, and I had my doubts about my abilities. I just hoped my father didn't notice.

I swept into his chambers with barely concealed smugness, all of which was an act. "Father," I greeted him imperiously.

"Have you made your decision?" he asked.

_Right to the point as always, eh Pop?_ I thought. Aloud I said, "I have."

"Which young man have you chosen?"

"Um, none. None young man."

"What!" my father glared at me. "What do you mean? I specifically told you-"

"You told me to pick the best ruler for the country. I did. I picked me. I'm smarter than any of those sheltered peacocks, whether you believe me or not."

"But-"

"See you later, _Daddy_." I swept from the room and away before he could stop me.

That hadn't been half bad.

I returned triumphantly to my room. "All done!" I announced.

Impa stared at me, shocked. She was standing fairly close to Link, probably just finished threatening him. "Already? If you've made the decision I think you have, your father should have argued."

"Oh, he did," I grinned. "But I left before he finished. He's not going to change my mind, so why should I have to listen to him try?"

Link grinned broadly. He looked like a puppy, who doesn't know what's going on but is happy anyway.

"But your Highness!" Impa exclaimed. "This boy is-"

"Not a part of what I told my father."

"Wait, what about me?" Link interrupted. "I just got here like ten minutes ago, what do I have to do with anything?"

"Nothing Link," I sat down in the chair opposite him. "I told my father I don't want to get married. Not ever. _I'm _the one that's going to rule Hyrule, not my husband."

Link grinned that adorable grin.

"But what about…" Impa pointed at him.

"Link?" I looked at him. "You don't want to be king, do you Link?"

"_Hell _no," he said firmly.

"If he married me, he would have to be. I love him to much to do that to him."

Link reached across the table and grabbed my hand. We smiled at each other, and I knew everything would be all right.

Impa shook her head. "Teenagers," she sighed. "Look, if this relationship goes south, you," she pointed at Link, "will never speak of it, and you," she pointed at me, "will not take it out on the country. Got it?"

We both ignored her. There were more important things.

As soon as Impa left Link turned to me and started to say something. I put a finger on his lips. "Now..." I said with a purposeful grin, "where were we?"

Later...

Last night I had a dream. It started simply enough, a dream of a memory of a conversation I'd had with Link when we were back to being kids.

"The problem is, it's just too _obvious_," Link said. "I thought of it mere seconds after I heard his name, but I could never bring myself to use it."

"It's so immature too," I agreed. "I mean, 'Ganondork' just doesn't have the same ring as, 'You son of a bitch.'"

"Right!"

Then the dream changed, and I heard Ganon's last words to us.

"Someday, when this when this seal is broken, I will exterminate your descendants! As long as the Triforce of Power is on my hand…"

Our descendants...

I woke up this morning with tears on my cheeks and my hands on my belly. I suppose every new mother worries about her child like this, but most new mothers haven't lived the kind of life I have.

I didn't tell Link about the dream. He has enough to worry about with courtly manners and the way the pageboys look at him. I don't know how, but the rumor is going around that Link was the Hero of Time. I honestly don't know who started it, or how they found out, but Link has never wanted fame and worship. The only reason he agreed to take the title of Prince Consort is because _I_ asked him.

I hate to end this story on an unhappy note, but believe me when I say I am happy. I have Link, I have my country, which is flourishing by the way, and soon I will have a son. Link is still holding out hope that the baby will be a girl, because I plan to name it Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule if it's a boy, but I've had too many dreams of a son to think otherwise.

One last thing. There's another rumor going around, though this one doesn't have a basis in reality. Supposedly Link has been cheating on me, with a young Sheikah man.

Guess we should have been more careful on our last getaway.


End file.
